WODs … NOT RX’ed

“There’s no elevator, you have to take the steps.”

There is no easy, direct path back from sickness or injury.  I shared my journey about effects from medicines I was on earlier in 4.5 Liters.  Since then I’ve been a little MIA… in all aspects of life including TRUE Strength.  The absence though is because I’ve been battling to recover and regain strength while taking the needed time to rest and recover.

Rest and recovery do NOT come easily to me, nor do I feel relaxed and comfortable while resting and recovering.  Instead, I feel uneasy, unsettled, and lazy.  My mind is a playground… often encouraging me to desert the actions in my best interest to settle the need to get another workout in or “be productive” (in quotes because this term seems to be an undefined… never truly accomplished goal in my mind.

I have been cleared to SLOWLY begin workouts again… but highly, highly modified.  Since the start of the medicines and then the procedure I’ve been pretty much out of the gym for almost two months.  I’ve been able to get in special workouts with one of my best friends and coaches… even trying out boxing… which I LOVE… but for the most part I’ve been working out in my own little world… either on off times, PT sessions, or at home.  So, going back to the gym has been a bit stressful.  I now walk into my CF Box and I’m lucky if I know more than two or three people!  **Great thing because it means the box is growing but also really sad because I feel so disconnected!!

I found myself wanting to apologize for not being able to do “what I should be able to do” and for being slower than normal, or needing more rest than normal.  I also wanted to explain to everyone who didn’t know me… well you see… I used to be pretty good… I used to train hard… I used to have a flat stomach… I used to be able to do this not only RX’ed but beyond.  

I haven’t broken into a dissertation yet… but I have wanted to!  But WHY right?  Why do I feel that need to explain myself and explain my performance?  I have come to expect more of myself and I want to be a leader.  However, I’m learning I can still be a leader and now have a different set of goals and challenges.  I can confidently say I’m in trainingtraining to recover, training to quiet my mind when needed, training to learn to be out of my comfort zone, training to walk the walk when I talk about CF being for everyone no matter “where you are in your abilities,” I’m training to value rest and recovery and re-train my mind and body to be nicer to myself and listen to my body more.  I have this unending fear when I take a rest day (or two in a row!!) that I’m just being lazy.  Maybe I don’t actually need the rest, maybe I’m just being a sap and if I got a workout in, I’d feel better.  I’m learning… no… with everything going on, just making it out of bed sometimes counts as my workout for the day.

At the end of the day, I often pack a gym bag in the morning… and probably am able to make it to the gym 50% of the time right now.  Sometimes the long work day has made me sick enough that it’s just not possible and I’m learning to be ok with that.  (ok… not great but ok!) I will be able to continue to make it more… but for now I will likely not be able to do the WODs RX’ed (as prescribed) with the limitations to the clearance I have from the doctors I’m thankful just to be there.  This is also a learning  curve for me… I DO NOT like having to modify… but again… in struggles come strength.

It’s it amazing how an expected change in routine can teach you so much and challenge you so much?  I believe… this struggle has been more challenging than the training times before competitions.  Then I had a plan, a clear do A,B,C and you’ll get X,Y,Z… now it’s all free hand.

“Your struggles develop your strengths.

When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

TRUE Strength 

the Strength in our Past

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”  

– Soren Kierkegaard

Several years ago my life changed.  The past changed to the present and future.  The past was a fading scar which helped define my character but no longer define myself.  I left the past and entered the future.

Today… two people from the past resurfaced.  The two people I had missed from that past… but had had to give up to move into the future.  While randomly walking, rounding the corner, we ran into each other almost cartoon character like – splat! Face to face.  If it hadn’t had been so dramatic would I have stopped and acknowledged them?  I’m honestly not sure.  Did my heart race, stomach flip? … absolutely.

However, I also felt confident that my present and future beats the hell out of that past.  I was proud and honored to see them because they had also moved on from that time – their present and futures are so bright now too.

What are you doing today to make sure when you come face to face with your past that you can confidently say… now is SO much better??  Are you living life to the fullest?  Are you honoring yourself and your loved ones?  Are you letting love in and giving it out?  Are you being TRUE to yourself?

I know NOW I’m living with TRUE Strength… and that TRUE Strength would kick my past’s ass! 

Get out there and start creating your future!!! 

4.5 LITERS of Fluid…

4.5 Liters of fluid… LITERS…

Up to 60% of the human body is water, the brain is composed of 70% water, and the lungs are nearly 90% water.

Lean muscle tissue contains about 75% water by weight, as is the brain; body fat contains 10% water and bone has 22% water. About 83% of our blood is water, which helps digest our food, transport waste, and control body temperature.

Each day humans must replace 2.4 litres of water.

So why the education on fluid in our bodies and what the heck does it have to do with 4.5 LITERS??  The explanation was the muse for my most recent post: This Too Shall Pass.  Let me take you through the last 11 or so days.

I woke up feeling “off” I know my body pretty well and am very responsive to what goes in and out.  I’m very strict about my meals and nutrition and I know how my body responds to more or less food and fluid.  I was off.  As the day went on so did the bad feeling.  By the next morning I found myself on the cold tile in the bathroom crying in pain and feeling very sick.  Staying in bed the rest of the day and assuming it was a stomach bug I notice my stomach was starting to bloat and swell.  The next day, once again come 4:45am I was laying on the cold tile, miserable.  I stayed home from work that day and figured I had something that was going around.  BUT… my stomach was now truly protruding… not just bloat… but hard and really painful.  Thus went the next few days.  My mom even said… oh honey, you just FEEL like you look big, it’ll go down.  NO… My stomach had grown to sizes I’d never seen.  I looked four to five months pregnant… over night.

I couldn’t stand up straight, I couldn’t eat… the only way to describe this feeling was that my stomach was literally going to rip my skin and bust open.  I was having trouble breathing and couldn’t lay down, nor stand up.

We went to the doctor… Ultimately it was a side effect of some medicine I’ve been on… my body was taking on more and more fluid and in some cases the fluid eventually goes away, in some cases it needs to be drained.  My case… we needed it out!  During the hospital prep I started feeling a gurgling right below/inside my right side rib cage… the doctor explained all my organs had shifted up to make more room for the fluid and the gurgling was air pockets being created by my heart beating and the organs being shoved up there.  FUN RIGHT??

Here’s me in the hospital

Cute right?  They let me take the hair net off but it was needed for the picture!

Ultimately, they drained 4.5 liters of fluid… over 9 pounds… within 45 minutes.

Am I all better and cured?  NO but I am better than I was… over the last 11 days, my whole body has changed.  I still have about 5 pounds of fluid sitting on my system.  The weirdest thing is the fluid has been finding its way to random places on my body and has completely changed my shape.  I’m not sure once its all gone if there will be lasting impacts and changes but in just under two weeks of time, I went from having a flat stomach… NOT trying to be cocky… but I always loved my abs, small waist, and flat tummy.  Now… I have no waist, my stomach sticks out, and I’m uncomfortable all the time.  I cannot just throw on an outfit… not everything fits, furthermore, almost everything makes me look very, very pregnant.  Each day, I’m getting better, I can move around a little bit more and more.  JUST today, I can actually move my stomach, instead of the hard swollen feeling… it moves!  The fluid is still moving through my body and downward which is bizarre… but it’s a learning experience.

I cannot workout like I’m used to.  I can’t jump, bounce, lift heavy… my back hurts all the time, I get winded because it is still hard to breath at times.  In 11 days, my whole routine, my whole comfort zone, my whole day to day has changed.  My body has changed.  I’ve struggled with body image issues many times before and let me assure you… throwing a complete, overnight body overhaul is a tough one to work through.  Each day stronger and better.  TRUE Strength goes on.

It’s ok I don’t look like myself, it’s ok I’m uncomfortable. 

Ultimately it’s all for good and for a good lesson. 

We’re stronger than we know, stronger than we look, and so much more than what we look like. 

TRUE Strength