So what are you to do when you’re working on battling an eating disorder and because of life circumstances the thought of food just sounds gross? Who is in control here? Is the disorder drill sergeant calling the shots or is it the legitimate grief playing a role… both?
I recently learned during a session with my nutritionist that when people lose their appetite – legitimately lose it – not in a restriction/disorderly way… the first thing to go is a taste for meat. The nutritionist said this holds true for women who have morning sickness, people in the hospital, those going through grief and any other reason you may have a physical loss of appetite. Personally, for the time surrounding my mom’s passing the thought of chewing meat (sorry to be so graphic) made me gag.
To validate my feeling of sickness and grief we restructured my meal plans to simply get food in… whatever it was – forget variety and trying to expand the list or challenge myself to new meals (this is a goal of recovery). At this point we decided surviving and just getting things in was most important.
SO… now the door has been cracked… the disorder sees this as an opportunity. I share this because I want to give validity to those going through multiple struggles. They are real. AND at the same time, I hope to share some strength that you can make sure that in times of challenge you can keep moving forward and continue recovery.
Sometimes – just surviving IS recovering.
What I’ve learned through my recovery journey is that the disorder often feeds on times of weakness and when you’re under eating it allows for the sergeant to become louder because you do not have enough fuel to think clearly or battle the disordered thoughts. Often if the “voice” is getting louder… telling you you’re eating too much or need to do a two-a-day at the gym, it’s because you’re restricting and can’t battle.
We all have so much that we’re dealing with. Sometimes it feels all too much to handle and at least for me, going back to restricting and over exercising is my comfort zone. BUT I know the road to recovery is uphill… and worthwhile.
And the only way to travel it is with a clear mind and at the strongest I can be.