My disorder is roaring its powerful presence and feeding on the triggers of tragedy and change. I’m constantly amazed by how strong and powerful our minds are and how damning they can be to our own health and wellbeing.
I am used to seeing a problem and fixing it. Having a plan and attacking it. I like steps, to-do’s, goals and then results.
This long road of recovery is nothing like this. There is a plan… but the disorder doesn’t follow the rules and I can’t just put my head down and power through. My normal “go to” reaction of “all is good and making good progress” just isn’t true.
Reality vs perception right?
The worst part of this point in recovery… the reality… is FEELING the FEELINGS. A big part of disorders is learning how (and then perfecting) to separate feeling from your brain. You disassociate… think about it this way… if you FELT truly as hungry or as conflicted or as tired and you couldn’t separate the feeling from your brain and have something override those feelings… you’d eat, take a rest day or have the non-disorder thinking win out.
So currently the reality of my situation is that reality and perception are battling… constantly… and the feeling…plain and simple… is… it SUCKS. Check out this “feelings wheel.” Recently I was challenged to identify the FEELINGS I was experiencing not the thoughts or explanations associated with them. I challenge you to take a look at the wheel and practice identifying your feelings – own them, say them and give them value. DON’T think of certain ones as “good” or “bad,” they are all only legitimate and valued.
A friend said to me… isn’t TRUE Strength all about feeling these feelings?
I won’t go into all of my battles currently going on, as for each of us they are different… but just remember… this is HARD and it can SUCK!! Own that and own and value your FEELINGS.
I will share two great quotes about feeling those feelings… being scared of them and still pushing forward…
“Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared.” – Eddie Rickenbacker
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela
Stay strong… feel those feelings… and have TRUE Strength.