It happened again…
Mid, very strenuous workout I had to shake off the tears.
It was a mix of thinking of my mom and a mix of the message the workout instructor was screaming at us. Let me explain… she was screaming over the pounding music in a spin class – encouraging us to push harder, let go and even “get pissed” at times. Her music sound track was planned out to give us a killer workout AND a message. She weaved her message into our class which boiled down to letting go of regrets, sadness, and self doubt and negative talk. It does us no good she kept saying.
As she encouraged us to let go of baggage I felt my legs peddling faster, my mind focusing and letting go of the constant dialog… the constant “to-do” list, constant disorded battles, the constant second guessing. Just as I felt my legs flying I also felt the tears welling. I was thinking of my mom, I was feeling the release of the disorder’s control (even though temporarily), I just felt a release.
Shaking off the tears I focused, pedaled faster. I realized some of excessive exercise is simply me running away from feeling. Even though I was pedaling faster, I was focused on feeling the emotions and release… not just running away.
As she encouraged us to leave the baggage behind and to treat ourselves with kindness and care she said… never be too H.A.L.T.
Never be too:
She said… a little H.A.L.T. is good… keeps your fire burning – but if you’re too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired you can’t function to the best of your ability and you can’t be the person you’ve been destined to be. For me – if I’m too H.A.L.T. I can’t be the wife, mother, professional, woman, role model or citizen I need … I strive to be.
This can be a very literal thing… don’t let yourself function in a constant state of hunger, don’t hold on to anger, don’t let yourself wallow in loneliness, and don’t try to get through barely rested. In the abstract… have a hunger for life – don’t starve yourself from adventure and life; anger can keep you motivated but too much can crush you; you don’t need someone necessarily next to you every minute to not be lonely – instead find comfort and camaraderie in yourself and with others who lift you up; and if you’re tired of what you’re doing… change it!
As I type this I know I am often functioning too H.A.L.T. but I can change and I can continue to dedicate myself to getting healthier.
Join me – TRUE Strength